i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
