Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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