I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
