i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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