I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
