epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
