No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
