You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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