dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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