using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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