Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Randomize
