And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
