i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
