i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
