We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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