remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Randomize
