He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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