The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
