Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
This baby is an asshole
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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