It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
i think my cat just said my name.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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