just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
