He disabled his match.com account in front of me
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
