you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
i think im in europe. pls send help
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize