ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
