I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
wow bdsm is so cute
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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