I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
