She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
