the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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