Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
