You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
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