He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
