Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
