I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
