I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I have fence marks all over my body
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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