dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize