Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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