So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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