Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
