I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
