I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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