Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
well you can't waste a boner
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
