fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
