who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
