Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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