it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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