His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
