wakey wakey hands off snakey
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
