she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
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