Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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