I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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