I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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