My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
