Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
