then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
