Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize