peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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