I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
