The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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