Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
