i always forget guys have bellybuttons
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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