I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
