I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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