Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
