just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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