too bad you live with your parents still
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Welp...herpes.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
