Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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