she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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