I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize