Cold hands, warm shart.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize